


The Way Lovers Do, With The Puzzle

by sanguinity



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: M/M, NPR Weekend Edition Sunday Puzzle, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 10:49:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6048684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanguinity/pseuds/sanguinity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On opposite sides of the Atlantic, Kevin and Raymond listen to the Puzzlemaster together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way Lovers Do, With The Puzzle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thinlizzy2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinlizzy2/gifts).



> Spoilers for 3x16, "House Mouses," and much thanks to PhoenixFalls for the beta!

**INT. HOLT’S OFFICE - MORNING**

**CAPTAIN RAYMOND HOLT is sitting at his desk with excellent posture, in full uniform, focused on an open laptop on the desk in front of him. His husband, KEVIN, is visible on a video-chat screen on the laptop. Kevin is wearing striped pajamas, smartly pressed and fully buttoned, and appears to be sitting up in a bed.**  

 

> KEVIN  
>  (surprised)  
>  Raymond. You’re in uniform. Are you at... the office? On a Sunday morning?
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  I was called in. It was unavoidable. I’m sorry.
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (fondly)  
>  There’s no need for dramatics, Raymond. I knew when I married you that you had already sworn an oath to serve and protect. We can reschedule. We will listen to the archive version when they post it to the website.
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  No, no, you went to all the trouble of going back to bed in the middle of your day there in Paris, just so we could listen to the Sunday Puzzle together. I may not be able to join you in bed, but I have instructed Gina that I am absolutely not to be disturbed for the next ten minutes. I have additionally locked the door and drawn the blinds, and thus I may...

 

**Raymond removes his jacket and tie. He unbuttons the top two buttons of his uniform shirt, and spreads the collar. He sits back in his chair, with a small dramatic flourish. The open collar of his shirt lies very similarly to the collar of Kevin’s pajama shirt.**

**Kevin gasps, as turned on by his husband’s daring as by his extreme dishabille.**

 

>   KEVIN  
>  (mock scolding)  
>  Raymond. You reckless, reckless man.

 

  **Raymond smiles, exceedingly pleased with himself. He abruptly sits forward and reaches for a large bag of rubber bands, which he holds up for the camera.**

 

> RAYMOND  
>  (smiling broadly)  
>  And before I forget, let me thank you again for your extremely thoughtful Valentine’s Day gift!
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (frowning)  
>  Yes. You… mentioned in your email last night. May I presume that Miss Linetti signed for the basket when it was delivered?
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  I would imagine so but cannot confirm, as it was already here when I arrived. You’ll be pleased to know that the entire squad took very good care of your gift, keeping it safe until I returned from my meeting.
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (drily)  
>  I _see._ May I ask what else was in the basket?
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  (proudly showing off his gifts)  
>  Post-it notes, in a variety of sizes and colors. Two glue sticks. Scissors. A highlighter variety pack. Protractor and compass. A box of twenty 2.5HB wooden pencils, complete with a package of twenty-four accompanying eraser caps. It will be very convenient to have four spare caps, that was very thoughtful, Kevin. A manual pencil sharpener with replacement blades…

 

**Raymond notices Kevin’s expression, and trails off, concerned.**

 

> RAYMOND (CONT’D)  
>  You seem surprised.
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (uncomfortably)  
>  It appears there may have been some slight substitution of items.
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  (pauses, reconsiders his loot)  
>  Ah. This is often a risk with gift baskets. So much depends on local availability. Floral arrangements, as well. I remember when I sent my mother—
> 
> KEVIN  
>  —Casablanca lilies on the occasion of her appointment to the federal bench, and the florist substituted stargazer lillies instead, yes. I remember.
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  It was most disappointing.
> 
> KEVIN  
>  But you find these… satisfactory?
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  (beaming)  
>  Exceedingly! What other man in New York City has a husband who knows him so well as to get him office supplies for Valentine’s Day?
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (unhappily)  
>  Indeed.

 

**There is a pause. Raymond happily contemplates his gifts, oblivious to Kevin’s discomfort.**

 

> KEVIN (CONT’D)  
>  Well. You will have to thank Miss Linetti… _Gina_ … for taking such good care of your gift for me.
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  I will. Oh! It’s starting.

 

 **Both men reach for their computers, making adjustments. Fade in NPR’s** ** _Weekend Edition._**   **RACHEL MARTIN is hosting. The Puzzlemaster is, as always, WILL SHORTZ.**   

 

> RACHEL  
>  It is Valentine's Day, the most romantic day of the year. So let's celebrate love the way lovers do - with the puzzle!
> 
> WILL  
>  Good morning, Rachel. You know, I've heard about couples solving the puzzle together in bed. So…
> 
> RACHEL  
>  (disbelieving, talking over Will)  
>  Whoa, really?

 

**Raymond and Kevin exchange looks in their video chat, both clearly judging Rachel.**

 

> WILL  
>  ...so it can be romantic!
> 
> RACHEL  
>  It can be romantic? Hmm, I can't say that's something I've ever done. But you know, who am I to judge what is romance and what is not?
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (rolling his eyes)  
>  Clearly the woman hasn’t a romantic bone in her body.
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  Clearly not.

 

 **Kevin and Raymond, newly united in their judgement of Rachel, settle in to listen together from opposite sides of an ocean.** **Dissolve to…**

**INT. HOLT’S OFFICE - SIX MINUTES LATER**

**RAYMOND is sprawled back in his chair, with a sated, dreamy expression. He sits up, languidly rebuttoning his collar. KEVIN is wearing reading glasses, frowning at something that he’s writing just off-screen.**

 

> RAYMOND  
>  That was enormously satisfying. Just think, a member of the National Puzzler’s League, and Mr. Shortz consequently leaving out half of each clue. A real challenge, perfect for the holiday! What do you think, Kevin, should we make time to attend the convention one of these years?
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (absently)  
>  Whatever you wish, darling…
> 
> KEVIN (CON’T)  
>  (with sudden energy)  
>  I’ve solved it!

 

**Raymond sits up eagerly. He gazes into the webcam, proud of his man.**

 

> RAYMOND  
>  Already? What’s the solution?
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (coyly)  
>  And deprive you of the pleasure of solving it yourself?
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  (chuckling)  
>  I have the best husband a man could wish for.
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (meaningfully)  
>  No, darling, only the second best. Next year, let’s do this in the same bed, shall we?
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  As much as I would love to, Valentine’s Day is on a Tuesday next year.
> 
> KEVIN  
>  (inordinately pleased to be corrected)  
>  Ah, of course! Then in… five years, shall we say? 2021?
> 
> RAYMOND  
>  It’s a date.  
> 

**Raymond smiles at Kevin, pleased and fond. Kevin gazes back adoringly.**

 

> RAYMOND (CON’T)  
>  Happy Valentine’s Day, Kevin.
> 
> KEVIN  
>  And to you, Raymond.

**Author's Note:**

> The [Weekend Edition Sunday Puzzle, February 14, 2016](http://www.npr.org/2016/02/14/466672184/take-one-letter-away-and-here-s-a-puzzle-to-marry-two-words-all-day).


End file.
